It's spring here in Southern California, but really, isn't it always?
Ruts are not an uncommon thing, this I know. It seems like so many of the blog posts and articles I come across online are about ways to break free of writer's block; 10 Tips To Free Your Creativity, 25 Ways To Get Out Of Your Funk, 100 Inspiring Quotes For Writers/Creatives/Artists, etc. etc. Ruts abound. But their frequency doesn't make them any less annoying for the individuals experiencing them, myself included.
I've been spending a lot of time thinking about why it is that I blog. Lately, my focus seems to have slipped away from writing what I want to write and posting the photos I want to post to worrying endlessly about whether or not people will like what I have to share, which has only served to scare me out of writing much of anything at all. I am terrified of the imperfections, the possibility of repetitiveness, the lack of meaning...among other things.
I'm from Minnesota, as most regular readers of this blog know, and though I now live in Los Angeles, the Land of Perpetual Spring, my body and mind still sense the far away tug of the transition of seasons. My whole being wants to nestle in and cozy up when summer-turns-to-fall-turns-to-winter, and when the snow starts to melt and buds start popping out in my hometown, my soul vicariously comes to life, bursting with creativity and hope for a new season.
At least, that was the case last year. This year, I'm not feeling as much seasonal inspiration as usual. I don't know that LA's consistent weather is necessarily to blame, but this rut I am in is more noticeable when it's taking the place of an experience that is the usually the complete opposite. And it's more than just the weather that is in play; I'm also dealing with insecurities, feeling overwhelmed, and trying to live in the future instead of the present, to name a few.
Back to why I blog: I need an outlet. I enjoy connecting with and relating to others, so when I focus on that, blogging is fun and easy. But for some reason, I've started to insist on writing essays about specific ideas, which instantly makes me feel like I'm back in my fairly uninspiring college days, and my brain seizes up and my creativity evaporates, which leaves me with nothing to write about and no desire to write in the first place. So perhaps I need to change my mindset about what a blog should be, and instead let it go back to what it started out as: an informal place for me to share my thoughts and photos, with no forced themes or topics (unless the mood strikes). A place to relax and flow instead of furiously tread. A place to let my perfectionism fall by the wayside so I can be freely and wholly ME.
This post was a struggle to write. My thoughts are awkwardly clumping together and coming out in spurts that make them hard to translate into sentences. But when trying to climb out of a rut, you've gotta start somewhere. As my friend Cassie said in a recent post over on Pooping Rainbows, don't bother waiting for it.
IT. It, for me, is inspiration, time, a completely clear and worry-free mind and heart. So this is my rut-defying post. It might not be jaw-dropping or awe-inspiring, but regardless, now it exists, and it signifies me pushing through this funk I'm in, and that is important too. And at the very least, if the words aren't satisfying, at least the pictures can be pretty.
And lest you think this is a post complaining about how beautiful it always in LA, I feel the need to remind you that sunshine is my oxygen, my life blood, and my very reason for existence. I will never, ever tire of the weather here in this beautiful, celebrity-filled, ridiculously photogenic place. If the seasons can no longer inspire me, then I'll have to create my own inspiration, which is actually a pretty liberating thought.
Happy Hump Day, y'all. And happy spring. =]